Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
