I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Couch. On fire.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
