He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Two words: blizzard sex
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
