Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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