i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
