She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
