You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
