god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize