Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
