I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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