there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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