North Korea, Best Korea!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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