question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
