You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
