im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
