i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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