I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize