Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
