His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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