Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
