I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
