When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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