new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
