It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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