It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
