A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
