he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
