Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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