made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
