My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
