How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
