I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
