there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
