I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
