wanna go halves on a baby?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
