I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
