i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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