Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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