i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
