At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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