so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
