Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
