Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
