OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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