Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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