It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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