I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize