OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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