So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
