Soap is not a condiment
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
