You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
