You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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