when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Randomize
