Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You brought string cheese to the strip club
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
