You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
