you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
