ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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