we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
