what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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