Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize