If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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