i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize