i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
