I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
