since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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