I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
