I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
