I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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