I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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